2009/11/21

A writer has social responsibility to a certain extent. A writer should not be writing without giving consideration to the readers. This was the topic that a few friends discussed. A well-respected professor once said that if he had disagreement on certain issues with some other scholars, he would not bring it to the newspapers. He would invite the scholars for a discussion. Yet these days, we see all kinds of discussions going on in newspapers, books etc. It always ends with no conclusion, and it ends up confusing many.

There are certain writers whom I think have absolutely no consideration for their readers. They are loud in airing their opinions, without thinking how it affects the image of the religion, the race or the community in general. They are happy to bring controversy, but is controversy what we need to solve issues? Not necessarily. When emotions run high, you can expect a lot of nonsensical talk. Everybody right down to the pakcik at the coffeeshop will have his two cents worth, and we end up engaging in idle talk.

Does supporting what is obviously prohibited in our religion mean we are being progressive, open, non-judgmental and merciful? Or does being merciful mean hating the sin but not the sinner?

I once wrote to the local newspaper on a controversial issue. It brings to light many issues which have been ignored for so long. I got a call from one of the editors who said that he found the article very interesting and he said I should send in my writing more often. They will consider putting it as an opinion piece. After the call, I began thinking. That's when I realised I don't think the article should be published in the papers. So I prayed that it will not be published, and thank God it was not.

After thinking, I felt it was better that the letter was addressed to the proper people and I sent the letter to these people. Of course, the letter was ignored completely. If it had been published though, it would have caused a lot of commotion - one which will do more harm than good. Yes, it will receive the attention of the people I addressed it to, but it will also cause a lot of useless argument.

Therefore I have banned myself from writing unless I am completely sure it will not harm. Writing a blog is one thing, writing a newspaper or a printed material is another. When you are writing to the masses, it's more than just about you.

Yet we continue to have writers who write nonsensical things, bring wrong ideas about the religion and basically, don't care at all how whether their writing makes sense. They are not addressing issues, it's they themselves who have issues.

2009/11/18

I had a conversation with some friends today about Madinah school of thought and other-than-Madinah school of thought. Apparently, there was a recent argument between one of my friends who studied in Egypt and another who studied in Madinah.

I pointed out that this argument has gone on for ages, between various people and it will never end. It will be better if we respect each other and quit talking about it because nobody is going to switch sides, really. Those who believe in Tasawuf will continue to do so, and those who don't will continue to do so.

Yet the arguments go on and on with no conclusion and much frustration. What is the point? In fact, these arguments tend to get really heated up. I don't even bother arguing with those who say tariqah condones bid'ah and those who say these people are doomed in Hell. I've heard it a million times.

While I'm trying to make sense of my life, which isn't making much sense right now, I cannot be bothered to enter such a futile argument.

ihsan @ 11:52 PM 0 comments

2009/11/14

In the past year, my view of everyone has changed tremendously. Those whom I used to respect and think are religious and spiritual people, I no longer respect much. Practically everyone has fallen into this category ever since I suffered such great disappointment.

I no longer think much of anyone who attend majlis, anyone who teaches, anyone who is in tariqah, anyone who talks about spirituality, anyone who lead zikr, and the list goes on. So what if you get wonderful dreams, you get ijazah and you learn from so and so. Everything is now a "so what?" Now I look at all these people with suspicion - are they just all talk?

Disappointment is a funny thing. It leaves you with a nasty view of the world. You tend to end up thinking everyone in this world is a hypocrite, and it is hard to change the perception once the people you trust abuse your trust.

Now, whenever I see someone known to have studied many disciplines, I just go, "Big deal." because in this world, there are many who think they're so good just because they've known and learnt from famous people.

ihsan @ 2:26 PM 8 comments

2009/11/08

Two separate incidents these two days were clearly the acts of God. Then again, everything happens if God wills, yet seldom do we see them as acts of God. Today, a cup of Coke fell, and I knew exactly why. I was just thinking whether it will be right to drink the Coke and it fell to the ground, right on my feet.

I was thinking recently about how sometimes we are too proud to accept words of wisdom from a non-Muslim, or someone we think is not "a practicing Muslim". It so happens that the first person to give me a glimpse of sufism is a man who may not be a "practising Muslim". In fact, it is even unknown what his religion truly is - all that is known is he always always mentioned sufism and Islam in his books. I was just so disillusioned about Islam at that time, and this man's words made me see a side of Islam I never saw before. Everything he wrote rang true, and really spoke to my heart. I remembered buying all his books as I loved them greatly.

Yet if he is to come here to give a talk, his set of beliefs will become the talk of town. Does he even pray? People may start asking. You bring a Muslim woman who doesn't wear tudung the perfect way to give a talk, and again, it becomes an issue. If you expect wisdom to come only from a person who is perfect, then you will gain no wisdom because nobody is perfect. It does not mean that just because you pray, you are better than a person who doesn't pray. Because the person who doesn't pray, may one day pray a much more beautiful prayer than you.

Which leads me to the question - can we gain wisdom from a non-Muslim? I will always remember the incident I mentioned here several times - there was once I was passing by a lady wearing tudung selling 4D tickets and I said in my heart, how could she be doing such a thing. Later that day, I went back to the office to do my work - I was transferring a beer advertisement to tape. My Japanese colleague came in my room and said something like, "You know the woman selling 4-D ticket at the MRT station? She shouldn't do that right?" I said yes. He continued, "You are transferring a beer advertisement to a videotape. Are you supposed to do that?" I was stumped. His words drove me to quit my job. There were the words of a non-Muslim reminding me of my religion. How could he ever know what went through my heart earlier that afternoon?

The moral of the story is - the acts of God is everywhere and we shouldn't be expecting wisdom to come from only those who look pious outwardly. Yet somehow I think the belief of the masses who think wisdom comes only from people who wear turban will still rule, and the man who brought me to see the beautiful side of Islam, will never make it to this shore.

ihsan @ 9:51 PM 2 comments

2009/11/07

Nothing much has changed. I guess life goes on and as it always have. Sometimes I think there is no point in such a life. Might as well move on. When there are problems, it's always good to blame it on others like Syaitan etc. yet some fail to see that the problem lies within them. It's actually funny.

ihsan @ 9:27 PM 0 comments

2009/10/24

Books
I began to realise how much I feel drawn to solitude. I've been reading more books these days. Imagine - the one who actually sparked the interest is my boss who said to me at a very boring meeting, that I should read more books, although his idea of books meant managerial ones. Just now I went to Kinokuniya, and was attracted to a book entitled "On Solitude" written by a philosopher. It used to be that I bought books from a shop at Arab Street, but the shop soon became a reminder of a past life. Stacks of books which reminded me of things I wish to forget. Reading such books would have caused great grief and deep regret.

As I was surfing the net, I came across an old post written by the bookshop owner. Intriguing indeed. Is the Al-Quran the only book we need? I guess the reason I read books, even Wahabbi ones, is that I wanted to be exposed to different schools of thought. On any issue at all. God created different types of people so that we may know each other, and humans are an intriguing lot. Their thoughts are even more interesting and through the written word, a lot can be learnt about others.

Recently, I read the book by Amatullah Armstrong. She was in Singapore a few days back. She looked kind and fun (ky), but she too would have been a strong reminder of a past life, therefore I did not go to her seminar. I bought her book a long time ago - the book attracted me as it was a biography of a woman on the Sufi path, yet it wasn't until my third visit to the bookshop that I bought it. And it wasn't until yesterday that I read it. The front cover was attractive - a drawing of the flower Bird of Paradise. I've always loved the Bird of Paradise although I have no idea what the significance of the flower is. Reading her book reminded me of how my path has just gone terribly wrong, and I never met a shaykh, never started the path and never did what she did. Now, I'm just trying to live a life of solitude, away from everything and I've stopped searching for the man who seems to be nothing more than Santa Clause - a figment of one's imagination.

ihsan @ 4:27 PM 1 comments

2009/10/22

AIF
Innallàha wa malâikatahû yusallûna 'alan-nabiyy, yâ ayyuhalladhîna âmanû sallû alayhi wa sallimû taslîmâ. (Allah and His angels send blessings on the Prophet: O ye that believe! Send ye blessings on him, and salute him with all respect.) 33:56

Time passes by very fast and I soon realise things never do change. Like the tongue-numbing medicine I took to cure my sore throat, I have pretty much managed to numb my heart too. Many things don't matter anymore. Many, many things have changed - I'm no longer who I used to be, I no longer need what I used to need, I no longer bother about things I used to be concerned about. It's a strange feeling. Like the words of Imam Abdullah Al-Haddad, "La Taksir Hammak, ma Qaddar Yaqun" although when he said it, it probably held a much, much deeper meaning. Whatever will be, will be. Nothing to me seems like a bad idea anymore. In fact, I'm considering everyday, what will make things better.

I began to wonder today, in a futile way, who the two who visited the maqam last week were - walked in, read tahlil in beautiful voice with perfect harmony and sounding like there are many people reading at the same time - mysterious, if I was a recording artiste manager, those two would be signed on in an instant.

It is Friday yet again, and I'm not doing much. Just reading about Habib Abu Bakr bin Abdurrahman As-Seqaff, better known as Syeikh Abu Bakr As-Sakran because he was intoxicated with love. He is famous for the Wird As-Sakran, frequently used to protect people against evil, used as a shield. What's written about him is that he was a great wali and was also an expert in the field of hadith. There are many karamah documented.

ihsan @ 9:39 PM 2 comments

2009/10/20

Tired of Sufi Talk
A sister wrote, "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear..." A phrase that is very, very common in the sufi world. I realised I've long given up on that. The past year had me convinced that sufism today is all talk.


I'm tired of talk about glows surrounding walis, tired of people talking about their high spiritual state, tired of hearing about hal, tired of hearing about spirituality in a time where there is more talking than doing. Why is it that we are more concerned about discussing spiritual states which are beyond our understanding? Does that show we have more knowledge, spent more years with the shaykhs, reached a high status and thus have a ticket to speak of things we thought we understand but do not? The world today is just weird. The shaykh slash wali wrote in his book that this is one of the problems facing some tariqah murids today.

There were all kinds of theories brought up today by my friends, with regards to a much-disliked issue. It came to a question of moving house - and I said I definitely like this house very much. I remembered how blessed it was the day I moved in - it has such personal significance and value to me. It was a gift I truly treasure, freedom for me. There were all kinds of good signs appearing the day I moved in. And I hope it will remain that way although there has been a dramatic drop in Quranic reading, prayers and Ratib in this house over the past year. Dramatic and sudden. I am counting on my sister for the Ratib....haha, so you better read it every day huh?

Surun Surun Sur...La Hawla wala quwatta illa billah...

ihsan @ 6:04 PM 1 comments

What do we need in life?
I was just chatting with my friend who lives in the US. She had to pay a whopping 40% of taxes. Which means, if she's earning $10K/month, her salary is reduced to $6K/month after taxes. Ridiculous. No wonder they're all so concerned about politics and where the tax-payers' money went. And she's only considered as middle class.

We soon broached the topic of how we have come to a stage of "lost innocence". This is the stage where you no longer have any dreams in life and just live day by day without thinking. I said perhaps it will do much good to explore spirituality and learn something from the Dalai Lama, for instance. I really think it is what everybody is looking for, and we won't attain peace until then. People can work for years and years. At first they may enjoy working, but give it 10 years, 20 years tops, people get tired eventually. Life is never just about money and work.

But is it right for us to abandon our responsibilities to get in touch with our spiritual side? I don't think that is the what Islam teaches us. Yet some people do that - forget all about money, housing, bills, responsibilities etc and just sit all day exploring their spiritual side. Unfortunately, that leaves their parents, spouses, children etc, having to run the show for them - willingly or unwillingly. Unfair and cruel. Yet life is cruel sometimes.

So, we really do need to strike a balance. If people begin to see money as wordly, and just cannot see money in a spiritual way, they will make a lot of noise about giving money. Is there anything spiritual about money? Yes, there is. It has to do with spending it because Allah swt has indicated you should spend it that way. Not because someone demands you spend it that way. Yet some are just blinded to such things - money will always be worldly to them.

The balance is the killer. We constantly feel drawn to abandon the world, yet it is necessary to survive.

ihsan @ 10:52 AM 0 comments

2009/10/18

I went to the maqam last Friday, and there were two men reading a short tahlil there. His voice was so good it sounded like there were many people reading it. I looked at them again to confirm there were only two men there. With that kind of voice, he should be doing a recording.

13:24 "Peace unto you for that ye persevered in patience! Now how excellent is the final home!"

ihsan @ 11:41 AM 0 comments

2009/10/16

Being Humble
I took leave today as I heard the shaykh will be delivering the khutbah @ Al-Masjid. It had been so long since I went to Al-Masjid. I used to be able to hear the azan all the way from my office and I used to go there everyday. As I walked down the street, I recalled how I used to love Fridays @ Al-Masjid. The street, the people, the selawat playing loud and clear before the Friday prayers. There were so many memories there that it really made me sad. Today, I met the Ba'alwie crowd again. All the familiar faces - even the strict lady I used to fear coz she told people to straighten their saf like a seargeant.

Shaykh Hisham wore the beautiful almost red robes. It is probably my imagination that he looked brightier and happier during this visit. Or was it I who was very sad last year and therefore saw everything with a sad outlook?

Of course when he went up the khutbah, the crowd began to wonder who the shaykh was, looking so grand with a long white beard. From America? Shaykh Hisham talked about being humble. He said that if you are humble, Allah and the Prophet (saw) will love you. Humble people are the people of jannah.

He related a hadith where Rasulullah (saw) was with one of the sahabah and and a man walked in front of them and he asked, "What is your opinion of this man?" The sahabah said, "This man is well-respected in the community, people accept his intercession in matters and if he wanted to marry anyone, everybody will willingly marry their daughters to him." Another man walked by and the Prophet (saw) asked, "What is your opinion of this man?" The sahabah said, "This man has a low status in the community, he is not respected at all, and nobody will want to marry their daughters to him." Then Rasulullah (saw) said that the second man is seen as so much better than the first man such that if there are many men like the first man, the second man will still be much better than the whole lot who are like the first man. Shaykh then explained that the second man was seen as better because he was a simple man and he has nothing to be arrogant about - he is humble. He talked about how those who may have memorized the whole Quran, those who learn hadith, scholars - should not be arrogant. Abu Yazid Bestami used to say, "What I need to do is respect others not expect others to respect me."

I had been wondering for quite some time whether it's easier to become someone who is simple or someone who looks for knowledge. I guess it it easier and safer to remain a simple person who does the basics, and love Allah & Rasulullah (saw). The problem with learning and listening to ulama' is that while you learn precious knowledge and bask in the baraqah, you are so easily exposed to arrogance and pride - speaking words you don't mean, advising others when you don't even do it yourself, thinking you are of a high status, being proud of having learnt and met the ulama', being proud of being a student of the ulama', saying 'I am nothing' when people praise you for being a student of so-and-so but in your heart you swell with pride, talking about aspects of spirituality you do not know about, being proud of your tariqah and the list goes on.

Shaykh said that if you find yourself having a bad thought in your heart, say "Astaghfirullah" and it will go away. Today, I saw a lady with orange hair, and I had this ridiculous question going through my head whether she prayed. Which is none of my business, but the fact is, whether she prayed or not, nobody knows her status in the sight of Allah. The most crucial thing is husnul khatimah, and anybody, no matter how bad he/she is outwardly may in the end get husnul khatimah for many reasons, whereas anybody, no matter how good he/she is outwardly, may not get husnul khatimah for many reasons. Which means that we should not be looking down, or feeling pity for anyone who outwardly breaks all religious laws because we do not know what will happen eventually. And the simple has a tendency to be more humble.

My recent experience scared me greatly because iman can disappear just like that and no amount of learning from any ulama' will save you. The scary thing is that I do not know what will save me, and I don't think anybody even has the answer.

After deciding I'm going to give one last chance, I realised there's a possibility this last chance will be screwed up too. This is considering my past experience where everything which was said turns out to be lies. If it is screwed up, all I have to say is that I gave another chance - the last chance. I had the papers ready, and it is only a step away. In any case, there is one week for me to find out. After that, it is decided.

ihsan @ 8:26 PM 0 comments

AIF
Life isn't just what you feel and do now. You have to ask yourself about the future. Unless you are one of those who constantly regard everyday as your last day. Having asked myself whether I will survive this way ten years from now without emotional and mental damage, I have to say I can't. That narrows down what I have to do now - the ultimatum. The ultimatum has finally been thought of, and instead of trusting humans, I've decided I trust the computer to fulfill what it has been entrusted to do at exactly a certain date and a certain time. It is too bad that it comes to this but I am no longer taken in by the mind games.

At first I thought I could eventually reach sainthood and wouldn't care whether I don't get my rights and I wouldn't care how other people treat me. But realistically, I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon, if ever. In fact, most people can't reach that status at all. So I've got to be honest about things. There are some things I just can't accept. It is a beautiful day.

Innallàha wa malâikatahû yusallûna 'alan-nabiyy, yâ ayyuhalladhîna âmanû sallû alayhi wa sallimû taslîmâ. (Allah and His angels send blessings on the Prophet: O ye that believe! Send ye blessings on him, and salute him with all respect.) 33:56

ihsan @ 10:18 AM 0 comments